Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Dipping my toe back in

I have had no inclination to knit or crochet, sew or mend since February. Of course I have dabbled but I have had no creative thoughts, no designing daydreams and no enthusiasm. It was as if that part of me had died.
This is quite strange as I have always found making things to be a stress-release. The methodical nature of knitting and crochet has worked well at stopping me over-eating, over-doing and over-analysing. It has filled my time and, occasionally, it has helped me to cope.
I sense the creative part of my brain maybe linked to emotions - is it possible that when you are very sad or very stressed you can no longer imagine?
In conjunction with feeling that writing publicly is now safe has been a niggling feeling that I want to make something - not obsessively, nor to hit any target, but slowly and gently. There is a part of me that will always look back at the Creative Me negatively - the back-to-back nights in comfy clothes, on the sofa with the television on and a ball of yarn and a hook/needles was not always a Happy Me - but now I need to move on.
This morning, I was able to choose whether I visited the allotment, the gym, did some work or went to my knitting group. The weather was so unpredictable that I couldn't face the allotment, I had visited the gym and done over an hour of yoga yesterday and my work is for once at a manageable point so I walked the dogs, kissed Scarlett and Dan goodbye and then headed off to Needham Market.


I discovered Halfpenny Home about a year ago through twitter. I clicked with Nicola immediately, and found her recent support invaluable. The women in the group have all become friends - they will never know how much it meant to me that they cheered on my first visit back.


I have to make a square for a friend's birthday present so I needed to knit - but I needed something new to knit with. I have discovered Adriafil yarn today, Giada Trends to be exact. Complete with tiny sequins (that you probably can't see, but will make my square sparkle like the snow).


So I knitted and chatted, knitted and listened. The great thing about groups of women is that the conversation flows so we had happy stories, terrible events, funny tales and frustrations laid out on the table and put to rest over a large cup of tea, a variety of cakes and the knowledge that no-one is judging.


The cake I chose incidentally was a lemon and lime meringue. It really was as good as it looks and I let everyone know I was prepared to arm-wrestle for a slice.


The only downside to starting the day with cake for breakfast is that your eating is all downhill from there. The upside to starting the day with a visit to my knitting group is that my mind is calmer and I can now see my knitting mojo - still a little way off, but there all the same.

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Look back only to learn

Love and Life - as I knew it - came to an abrupt halt on Monday February 27th at 6.30pm.
For a long long time I was just breathing and parenting.
But I am here as our world is getting back on track. Slowly.
It is far too personal and sad to share our story here, nor would it be appropriate for those involved, but as I feel ready to move forward so I feel ready to return to writing publicly.