It's OK, I'm just a Scanner

Having recently hit my energy rock bottom for the hundredth time, I decided to take a day off from being me.
A day off from running around in ever decreasing circles, a day off from feeling guilty, a day off from the constant checking of social media sites and a day off from the 'shoulda, woulda, coulda' that goes around and around in my head.
So today I have allowed my daughter to watch back-to-back Disney DVDs (she's on her 4th and it is barely afternoon) whilst still in her pyjamas (with her Snow White dress over the top). I have taken a really long shower and I have rubbed in all the lotions and potions that I feel should get used everyday. I have listened (properly) to Radio 4, drunk as many cups of tea and coffee as I can cope with, read some magazine articles and randomly clicked my way around the internet.
I recently read a blogpost on retraining a brain that is fearful of flying (I have one of those). The man who wrote the article followed me on twitter after I retweeted it, so I clicked on his profile and started reading more and more about his ideas.
And that is how I stumbled on my diagnosis.
I am just a Scanner. That is all that is wrong and right with me.
It is perhaps why I seem to burnout quicker than other people who work so much harder than me, it is why I am constantly wrestling with guilt and self-discipline. It is why I am easily distracted, waste huge amounts of time whilst I get ready to start my jobs and - ahem - may be a sign that I am bright, a fast learner and creative [see previous post for alternative view].
According to John Williams, Scanners are creative people with multiple interests and lots of ideas. The downside is a life of boredom, procrastination and unfinished projects. Scanners have also been described as approval addicts. Suzy Greaves used the phrase 'scattered energy' which resonated with me so much, I wrote it down. They often need someone to give them deadlines - which then keeps them committed. They are usually poorly paid (as they are not selling their skills) and working in a job that doesn't suit them as they are not brave enough to take the leap and make some of their ideas happen.

I am so sure this is me. I am unable to explain in a few sentences what I do for a job as I do so many different things for several people. I have a really wide spectrum of hobbies and interests and am constantly juggling so that everything gets equal energy. I strive the perfection of focusing on one thing for a significant period of time - even if that one thing is running my home.

I am not sure what to do now that I have my diagnosis.
I could buy the book and add it to the various Self-Help titles by the bed that I am interested in but haven't even started: The Power of Now, Wheat Belly, Emotional Intelligence and Bodies.
I could print off the free chapter of the book and add it to my reading pile: Psychologies, Country Living, Red and Mollie Makes magazines, Sue Johnston's autobiography and a transcript of a book on microbiology.
I could buy the audio guide and add it to all the other things I hope to listen to each day: Radio 4, music, podcasts and my relaxation CD.

Alternatively I could coast through the rest of today feeling rather pleased that I now understand myself a little bit better, make a cup of tea and read an article in Psychologies magazine that has caught my eye 'Stress less, feel better - why you should let go of your to-do list'.

Comments

Poshyarns said…
Really interesting Emma, a lot of this resonates with me too. I think you should definitely read that Psychologies article, there is a lot to be said for just learning to accept things.
Chloe Brewer said…
This sounds so spot on like me, I've never heard of this. You've written an excellent post here! I'm your newest follower now! x
www.atwentysomethingmum.blogspot.com
knittingnora said…
Ha, this is definitely me too :o) those deadlines are marvellous, that is why I have taken on the marathon glad I'm not the only one in this boat......
Annie said…
What a fascinating post!
jennytidman said…
Wow...am looking this man up now...that is me! A scanner! Thank you for the post! X

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