My Corona Diary 2020 - weeks five and six

Well, the reality seems to have hit and I have had a really tough couple of weeks. This is about money, of course it is about money, alongside the responsibility of running a business and having staff that we care about (we both run businesses in the hospitality/tourism sector). The uncertainty, the unknowns and perhaps the grief of losing something that we anticipated. Losing something that has given us a sense of purpose over many years.

That sense of Groundhog Day has gone from being a relief to a total drain. I have realised many things about myself during this period (yes, there is a hand-written list). One of them is that I love change and novelty, and that is lost at the moment. The other is that I like to plan and, other than having a daily schedule, there is nothing left to plan.

Like many people, I also feel a bit lost not being able to interact with the people I want to interact with. As an introvert who dresses up as an extrovert (I should write a post about that) I have always felt irritated that all I want is the the hermit-lifestyle and yet I'm "soooo busy". Yes, I really do think that. Consequently I rarely anticipiate going out, away for the weekend or having a celebratory meal. What lockdown has taught me is that perhaps I should be grateful, I can control how much I do and perhaps we can now socialise in ways that might suit me better if I feel overwhelmed.

Unlike lots of people, I am sleeping, but my sleep is not refreshing and I seem to wake up with a headache (although, combining perimenopause with lockdown was never going to run smoothly).
So, as I type this after a long walk in my local park, and a very tough Joe Wicks session, I know all I can do is stay in the moment, fight for our businesses to have access to a Government grant and keep looking at my pretty, frilly tulips whilst getting my daily dose of Vitamin D.

And try not to focus on how busy our businesses would have been in this amazing weather....


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